First thing to do after woke up in the morning, checking Writing101 commons. Finally the course started, great! At first, I had no idea of what I would post on “I write because…” I thought about updating my about page and post it on writing101, but….. I got a call.
I had no idea that my day would get weird and dramatic. That was my father on the other end. His tone on the phone just pissed me off. How much it pissed me off?? It got me angry, frustrated and then suicidal.
I don’t know how the “standard” procedure of a suicide. I assumed I first do something memorable, and then write a suicidal note. I thought I had to erase myself completely out of my family “no memories to exist after myself”. I started ripping off photographs of my childhood. That must be one of the stupidest things I’d done 😦 . After finishing off with destroying some of them (my mother found out in the meantime and she rescued others from me), I decided to write a “note”.
My father is the best of his deeds, but may be the worst of his expressions. He is always talking like we are here to kill him or make him suffer. I have a sister who is mean to me from my childhood. She always has that expression, look or tone to piss me off. By the way, my brother and mother, they are the best.
Ah… “The note”! I started writing it on the wall, with the use of a chalk. I was writing some of their expressions which they used to mock me in big Sinhalese (my native language) words. After a while, I realized the lack of contrast of the yellow chalk I used on white wall. I stopped to change the chalk and continued writing. Again I stopped! This time, I just looked what I wrote. I started loving my writing big Sinhalese hand writing on the wall! Again I started writing. This time I was more logical on what I write, I was more careful about my hand writing. Anger, frustration, sadness or whatever negative feeling I had, vanished.